Brace yourself with the ‘wow’ factor for ‘quake’ England line-up news

We’re ignoring the ‘mind-altering shoes’ because life is too short and we’ve already developed the uneasy feeling that the cat licked the breakfast sandwich. So we get down to the big news from England instead.

‘Bellingham, Kane and Foden cannot play together. The Daily Telegraph While Times The back page reads ‘Tuchel: Three stars can’t play together’.

Mediawatch has been genuinely surprised by the ‘line’ that came out of the pre-match (Yes, there is a match) interview. It’s such an obvious statement that we’re not entirely sure how it counts as news. Do you know who can and who can’t play? Jordan Pickford and Dan Henderson.

We are definitely active experience. Foden, Bellingham and Kane have indeed played together in an England shirt. But the last time was March against Albania – in Thomas Tuchel’s first game – when Foden played on the wing and was ‘terrible’.

Foden has since rediscovered some good form for the club (while playing largely in central areas) while Tuchel said last week: “I think Phil (Foden) where he plays for Man City recently is where I see him strongest. I think he’s closer to the opposition box, like a mix between nine and ten.

“For me, Phil scores and assists more from the 18-yard box, where he scored against Dortmund, he’s on the half-turn, he assists, he’s in the pocket. I think the most important thing with Phil is that he plays his role in the center of the pitch.”

So you would think that logic dictates that a player who is a ‘mix between nine and ten’ cannot play with nine and ten. But no, we are surprised that Tuchel has claimed that the three cannot play together on the pitch.

‘Foden, Bellingham and Kane can’t all start in England system, Tuchel insists’ Guardian Headline Did he have to ‘insist’? Has anyone really, really tried and changed their mind and stood firm?

‘Phil Foden and Jude Bellingham face England as World Cup plan becomes clear’ says Express. This is a way of saying that not all England footballers can play in every England team.

Apparently, Thomas Tuchel has issued a stark warning to his star players. And this will obviously give these ‘star players’ a whole new shock to the concept of football.

‘Phil Foden warns England camp is his World Cup trial as Thomas Tuchel refuses to take him, Kane and Bellingham together’ the sun. This is England’s camp seven months before the World Cup. We don’t believe Foden needs a ‘warning’.

‘Thomas Tuchel won’t pick Harry Kane, Jude Bellingham and Phil Foden in the same England XI,’ writes Dave Kidd. They have not even lived in the same England Squad From March, Phila.

It’s surprising how quickly we can start a World Cup without Bellingham, Foden and Kane in an England XI that doesn’t really work, how quickly Bellingham has moved from going to a World Cup without Tuchel.

Ian Ladyman writes, ‘Thomas Tuchel says he will start his England eight England starting XI for the World Cup… That means Yehud Bellingham, Phil Foden and the battle for the No.10. The Daily Mail.

The eight is funny because Tuchel was actually asked specifically by the Mail himself if he knew eight of his starting lineup and he replied: “If it started yesterday, that’s fine.”

So does Tuchel come out and say he knows his England starting XI or does he agree he knows ‘about eight’, which sounds about right in November, before this summer’s World Cup?

And the funny thing is that Lady Man confidently writes ‘In terms of the spine of this team for America, this time it goes: Jordan Pickford, Reece James, Mark Gehey, Ezri Kwansa, Declan Rice, Elliott Anderson, Bokio Saka, Harry Kane. Questions remain over the left wing, number ten and left midfield as they have clearly forgotten about John Stones, perhaps Tuchel’s preferred centre-back.

It’s doubly funny because the Miles sidebar of England’s potential XI – which may not have been written by Lady Man – also includes Stones. Because of course it does.

‘England know their seven World Cup 2026 starts. What about the rest? ‘ Say Athleticbecause they are paying attention and didn’t think ‘about it’ means eight. They haven’t completely forgotten John Stones either.

But the real bombshell is reserved for Rob Dorsett Sky Sportswho probably writes with a straight face because he seems a very serious man: ‘This feels like a seismic moment in England’s planning for next summer’s World Cup.’

Does it? Does this feel like an ‘earthquake moment’ for anyone other than Rob Dorsett? We’re all trying to scratch around for meaning in this international break, but come on f*** it.

So far, Thomas Tuchel has kept his cards close to his chest, saying that no individual player has yet been ruled out or denied his plans.

Indeed, even as recently as announcing his squad on Friday, he said he knew there would be some players who would hit form late in the second half of the season that would demand his attention, with variations in form and fitness having a huge impact on his selection.

And then he now tells us directly that he can’t go to the World Cup with all No.10s featuring with England in charge. He also named them – Jude Bellingham, Phil Foden, Cole Palmer, Morgan Rogers, Morgan Gibbs-White (he forgot to name Eber Eze – which might be significant in its own right).

So what exactly has changed? He has yet to name any individual player who has been ordered ‘out or out’. He simply says that he cannot take all the players who play in the same position. Isn’t that just logic? How is that ‘earthquake’?

Tuchel also says he is no longer afraid to make “tough calls” and leave big names out of his starting XI, and indeed out of a wider squad.

Now? He has yet to recall Bellingham and Foden after being left out of his October squad. Are we in the middle of a fever dream?

To top it off, he goes on to say in a radio interview that Harry Kane, Bellingham and Foden cannot and will not play together in the same England team while in charge. Not unless he decides to change his formation — an option he says is, for now, off the table.

wow Three revelations in one. The most closely related, but each of them is very detailed. With names

Wow?! This is definitely a fever dream. The cat must have licked the sandwich.