The Arsenal slog against Ipswich was typical of the ‘flabby, naked charlatans’

In common with many people, I watch a lot of soccer from around the world. Sydney FC vs Melbourne victory over breakfast? Yes why not? Celtic Hearts v Stenhouse Muir and Holstein Kiel v Borussia Dortmund? You bet son. “Are you watching football again?” Here is a popular refrain around. With the right subscriptions you can watch football from anywhere.

Not that many people do. These broadcasts are quite special, as are many of the League One and League Two broadcasts on Sky. They are attracting very few. It’s not all particularly gripping but there is a lot of it, Serie A especially so. Boring games with no tension or excitement are everywhere but most popular in Ligue 1 and the Premier League, although somewhat less so in England this year due to City’s meltdown and Forest’s success. .

I think unless you look at football from somewhere else, it’s easy to think it’s just like everywhere else in the Premier League. And it’s not at all.

Read: Man Utd sent me to sleep. This is no Lowland League – football week on TV

The ‘best league in the world’ relies on clear – albeit clumsy – marketing and, with some success, on viewership. The league has been the subject of constant marketing ever since ‘a brand new ballgame’ graced our TVs. Dedicated to making ordinary football into something that never was, as their opening game between Forest and Liverpool proved, as was their first Monday Night Football between QPR and Manchester City.

I don’t mind it too much, but it goes against our lived experience.

Football is often played with only the ball for an average of 58 minutes and 37 seconds per match in the 2023/24 season. What I hate is being told it’s fantastic, elite football, so cough.

Ironically, for a segment of the audience, hyperbole is not needed. We know football is not a drama or a West End show. Most of us know the stubborn nature of football, but still go or watch it for various reasons. And basic marketing tells you that if you sell too much, soon no one believes a word you say. And so it has been for a section of viewers.

Even if the Premier League didn’t have such clashes, I’d bet Sky Sports would get the same number of viewers. Football fans watch football; They don’t need the encouragement of some tumultuous, divisive pundit to do so. That being said, Sky probably aren’t too worried about viewership. Engagement metrics on social media are where most of their ad spend goes.

We now have a situation where if you’re 32 or under, you know it all. This is the patch, not specifically recognized, that they have fed and fed for three decades. People tell you with a straight face that it’s the best league in the world even though you’ve never seen a League Two game, let alone the Belgian Pro League. This is a triumph of mindfulness.

Everything that comes from marketing, astronomical wages, transfer fees, ticket prices and subscription costs is somehow taken for granted, despite all the devastatingly horrendous wealth inequality. This has created a situation where clubs are paying fees and wages that they cannot afford and that is unjustified by the demands of fans who have absorbed marketing into their DNA and think That this level of spending is perfectly normal.

I’m not naive; I know Sky and TNT bring us football from other countries and no doubt indulge in the same kind of hype there. It’s just that it’s particularly nauseating in England because it dominates all the resources in the entire world.

I watched the end of Arsenal v Ipswich and both Jon Champion and Alan Shearer were completely bored and in “take three points and move on” mode. He actually said it doesn’t matter the performance, it’s the points that matter. It’s always been said in football, but the bottom line is that it used to be cheap to get into. Now it is said after paying a lot of money and we call it ‘elite’, as if we are witnessing a high performance car, even when we clearly are not. A fact that was blatantly ignored by everyone involved. Not even considered. Because you can’t damage the brand. Boredom is just substitute excitement.

Meanwhile I watched a 3-3 Scottish Championship game that was wholehearted, honest and pulsating. Superior in every way, but largely overlooked in the public’s mind because of the millionaires marketing it.

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The idea that the Premier League sells itself on its perceived elite status is unsustainable when you actually look at the product. It’s not about the skill or talent of the players, it’s about the fun and excitement. The league is a classic case of the emperor’s new clothes. It’s a brash, naked Crinton trying to convince us he’s a fine athlete.

You can tell they’re in for a long delusion because when a game is really exciting, they go all over the top in “we finally got something to shout about” style. And trot out the “great advert for the Premier League” pointless cliché. Well then what is left? And exciting football isn’t an exclusively ‘our league’ thing, it’s a football thing and can be enjoyed at all levels, everywhere.

Will they ever stop lying to us? Not while it works so successfully. Anyone who wants to defend hyperbole usually uses words and phrases that the broadcaster uses, regurgitating marketing.

In fairness, Sky and TNT cover non-Premier League games in a less hyperbolic, rational way that doesn’t patronize us with grandiose biographies and slow-motion worship to prove we’re in the presence of the Holy One. To cover up the high prices, the glaring shortcomings, get yourself nowhere when talking about the truly wonderful.

I enjoy some Premier League games and I watch a lot, I won’t pretend otherwise, but it’s the only game in town when there are so many in other cities, much less to celebrate. . Uneducated. 32 years of stupid pretending to be clever, just to make a few rich off the backs of the majority, has not helped.